whatthefoxsay | 6th Tail

No. No, Kira love, it's not. No way to stop it feeling like one, mind; you should've seen me when my Victor disappeared.

But Victor's come back. Let's 'ope Doctor Facilier does and all. I liked 'im a lot.

I feel like I might have focused too much on my own life when I should have been focused on his.

I 'aven't been looking over your shoulder, my darling, so I can't 'ave an objective opinion on that. I know this; Doctor Facilier would've been a long job. A magician, a man that already knows 'ow to bend reality to 'is will, and one that's never, ever found a reason to trust or value or love another person all 'is life? That's a far cry from say, our young inmates that 'alf the time only needed anyone to treat 'em like people and show 'em some basic love and respect and empathy to sort themselves out. That's a grown man, strong minded and set in 'is ways for good reasons - maybe not Arthas level, right, but we would not 'ave been talking six months.

...I'm rambling. My point is that you can't put your own life on 'old when you tackle a long job like this one. Maybe you could've balanced it better, I don't know. But I also think if you'd stopped seeing all your friends and locked yourself in a room with 'im every day, 'e still would've needed more time than 'e got. In short, not your fault. Sometimes we do all we can and they still don't stick.

It's the worst thing about this job. I'm so sorry, my darling.

[Kira worries her lip a little bit in a manner reminiscient of Lydia.] I guess...if it's happened before, then it's a known phenomenon and nothing the Admiral can blame anybody for. Except maybe himself. I always figured he assigned wardens to inmates with the belief that he thought they could succeed, even in the long term.

Next time I'll do better.

I don't think 'e sets any of us up to fail, my darling. Think of the amount of power it's got to take to 'old all these people 'ere, away from their own realities, in violation of their natural timelines, in defiance of their 'istorical deaths. This ship's alive and she's keeping a lot of plates in the air just keeping all of us fed and breathing.

Sometimes a plate 'as to drop. You couldn't do a two year job in six months - that's not your fault. With Doctor Facilier you would've just made things worse if you'd tried to rush 'im, anyway.

[There's a little smile. It's not full-blown, not given the circumstances, but it's something, hey?]

Thank you, Iris.

I'll consider it a learning experience. If nothing else I'm adaptable.

It's not a failure.

[He felt like one too, when Jack vanished. For a second, he just considers telling her that, but then he gets a better idea.]

Want to go to the Enclosure?

[She blinks in surprise.]

Are you -

[A beat.]

Of course you're up for it. You wouldn't have asked if you weren't. [Well, he might. Her smile is grateful, nonetheless.]

Yeah, I think I would.

[He's not all right, so he's glad she didn't put it that way - he's not sure how to be all right with what Clementine did. But he does know that he is feeling physically right again, even if he still thinks he should be shaky and falling apart.

Dying shouldn't be this simple. You shouldn't just shake off death.

But that's what it is to be here, so he's trying.]

Meet you there?

Sure, sounds good.

Should I um, bring anything?

[Basically she's asking if the plan is beating pretendy-things up, but he may not get that.]

Nah. Well - wear good shoes. [He smiles: he gets what she's asking, but right now he doesn't want to break fake enemies. He just wants to run.]

[She's not entirely sure she wants to break fake enemies herself, and so his suggestion concerning footwear earns him a brilliant smile.]

Okay.

[It's as simple as that when she signs off. She heads for the Enclosure right away, her katana on her back only for the function of serving as her key.]

[He heads up when she rings off, managing to come up right behind her on the stairs. He slides his hand into hers automatically as he steps alongside her, and God it's nice to just have someone close enough to touch again. It's nice to have her hand in his.]

Ready to run?

What are you whining about?

Shut up.

[Gracious, Kira.]

Seriously, can you even hear yourself?

You've made it very clear you don't want me around you Dean, so attempting to piss me off by being antagonistic isn't helping you out.

Leave me alone.

[Disconnect.]

[Ben knows this feeling, intimately; he does not say that whether or not it is a failure depends upon the end goal. He knows Kira's end goal. He knows better than to upset her further, now, without reason.

There is no reason to any of this. He breathes out, his voice still harsh and weak with death still clinging to him, but as gentle as he can make it.]

No, Kira. It is not.

Why is it that people, inmates, leave, then?

Maybe that's the wrong question. How do they leave?

I don't have the answer to that.

I would not like to see you berating yourself for something out of your control, however.

Oh, Kira. I'm sorry.

[His voice is quiet. Jack had been sent home, and Andrew, and he knew it had happened a lot. It didn't mean they had to like it.]

I told Iris I feel like I was spending too much time focusing on my own life and not enough on his.

I have to do better.

[He rubs a hand over his face, troubled.]

It's not you. I don't think it has anything to do with you or what you were doing or not doing. It's this place. [His voice is quiet.]

I don't think him disappearing has anything to do with me, no. But whether or not I made any headway with him? I have no idea.

[He nods slightly at that, considering for a long moment.]

I have a feeling you probably had more impact than you think.

[He has a lot of faith in his friends.]

No. It's just the Admiral being a bastard.

[Mindy left before she could graduate, too. And normally Steve might have used more polite phrasing, but he's not having the best couple of days, sorry.]

Do you need a hand with Scott?

[Kira's to uncertain and bummed that she doesn't even find herself startled by Steve's cursing.]

I'm sure he'd appreciate a visit from a friend, but the pack's taking care of him. We're okay. It feels weird, though, that death is...

[She trails off, not sure of what she's saying.]

No, I'll let you take care of him, then. I'll catch up when he's in better shape.

[He's a friend - but he's not pack pack, like they are. He knows when to take a step back, and let Scott's family do what they do best.

At what she says last, though - he nods.] I think I know what you mean.

[Just because they're grateful for it doesn't mean it's exactly right. It's not how things are supposed to be. Dead is dead. It's always been hard for him to reconcile, in his own head.]

It's weird. It shouldn't be disregarded...it shouldn't be cheap. But I don't want Scott dead. Or anybody else I care about.

[She was going to say "I don't want anybody dead." but she's come to realize that isn't a universal truth.]

No. It shouldn't.

[He nods.] I don't like the idea of death being cheap. I think it brings out something a little worse in all of us.

But I agree with you. I don't want Scott dead, either. [Nor does he have wanted to die, himself, in Zane's attack.]

Not yours.

[Somewhat wryly,] The general consensus is that it's the Admiral's.

For once, it's right.

6th Tail

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